Learning To Breathe
by amber-1134
Summary: ----COMPLETE---- Changes aren't always good. Especially if they're life-altering ones.
1. Crush

A/N: Another story. . .but so far I'm pleased with my first chapter. Please R and R!   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any IaHB characters, themes, or settings. "Learning To Breathe" is a song by Switchfoot that they own and I don't.   
  
Title: Learning to Breathe  
  
Summary: "You think I'm trying to avoid you!? If anything, I'm trying to stay near you longer! I'm not avoiding saying goodbye to you because I don't care about you! I'm avoiding it because you're going to be the hardest to say goodbye to!"  
  
"I seriously don't understand why they had to invade Pearl Harbor," Caitie groaned, dropping her History book carelessly on the desk, "I hate History."   
  
"Tell me about it," Val replied, closing her book. She was sprawled out across one of Caitie's twin beds, and Caitie was sitting at her desk.   
  
Caitie turned to face her best friend and said, "I need a break from studying."   
  
"So. . .how are you and Jamie?" Val asked as Caitie sat down opposite her on the other bed.   
  
"We took a break to discuss Jamie?" Caitie rolled her eyes.   
  
"Well it's obvious to, like, the entire world that you have a humongous crush on him."   
  
Caitie turned bright red and defended, "No I don't! We're just friends!"   
  
Val eyed her skeptically and said, "Come on, just admit it! You know you're crazy about him! And by the way, it's not a crime to like a guy. Especially one as hot as Jamie."   
  
Caitie's mouth dropped. "You think Jamie's hot?"   
  
"Well, no, but you do."   
  
Caitie couldn't hold it back any longer, and she laughed, "Okay, fine, I like him. What's the big deal?"   
  
Val squealed and said, "This is so awesome! I can totally fix you guys up!"   
  
Caitie's expression turned serious as she said, "No! Don't! I mean. . .he won't like me back. And then our friendship will be ruined."   
  
"Why won't he like you back? AND, since when has the point of liking someone been to make sure they like you back?"   
  
"Since high school," Caitie said dryly. Sighing, Caitie continued, "No guy ever likes me. It's not specifically Jamie. I'm just that Goth girl in the corner slitting her wrists or whatever. I'd be lucky if one of the nerds noticed I existed."   
  
"But Jamie's not just any guy! He's Jamie. Do you seroiusly think that he judges you like that? Besides, you guys are friends, therefore, he has to notice your existence in order to be friends."   
  
Caitie noticed how she hadn't said that people didn't think of Caitie that way. She felt a twang of hurt in her heart, but didn't show it. "Oh well. It's only a 50/50 chance, and if he doesn't like me back, it'll be weird to hang around him. I don't want to damage our relationship."   
  
"True, you don't want to damage it," Val agreed, "You just want to make it. . .how do I put it? More romantic?"   
  
Caitie snorted and threw a pillow at Val. She quickly dodged it and sighed, "Caitie, any guy would be lucky to have you! Why can't people ever see themselves as someone besides the ugly or fat or whatever person in the mirror?"   
  
"Are you calling me fat and ugly?" Caitie said in disbelief.  
  
"No," Val rolled her eyes, "But everyone, no matter how pretty, or how skinny they are, always sees the negatives. People are so pessimistic about their own bodies. I don't think you're ugly or fat."   
  
"Well, I know i'm not fat- but, my looks did inhereit some bad jeans in the family," Caitie admitted.   
  
"Like I said, plenty of guys would be happy to have you as their girlfriend," Val repeated.   
  
"Yeah, but Jamie's not just any guy; he's Jamie."   
  
"Oh, well then, if its Jamie, that makes it totally different," Val said sarcastically.   
  
Caitie laughed and replied, "It does, in a way. He won't like me back; I just know it. I'm not going to even try."   
  
Val shook her head. "You're making a huge mistake."   
  
Caitie raised her eyebrows, shrugged, and added to herself quietly, "The real mistake would be thinking any guy would go out with me."   
  
Caitie pulled open the familiar door of the EMT station. She walked down the hall to the door of the common room. She pulled open that door, and then plopped down on the worn-out couch. Val, Tyler, Hank, and Jamie were sitting at each of their desks, but they weren't doing paperwork.   
  
Val was speaking. "It's not an issue of what guys want! It's totally about women's rights!"   
  
"Rights to study my babes," Hank grinned.   
  
"Oh yeah," Tyler returned the grin, high-fiving Hank.   
  
"Am I missing something?" Caitie asked cluelessly, looking at Jamie.   
  
Before Jamie could reply, Val said, "We were discussing the rights of women to show off their body. I was saying that there shouldn't be any models because it totally discrimnates women! It makes us like objects for guys to touch and look at."   
  
Jamie grinned stupidly and Caitie agreed, "I know! Guys treat women models like God or something."   
  
Jamie's smile quickly faded as Caitie gave him the death stare. He cleared his throat and started jotting down things at his desk.   
  
"But women are so. . ." Hank looked as if he was searching for words to say, "Uh!"   
  
"I'm sure glad I'm uh. It's always been a dream of mine, you know," Caitie snorted sarcastically.   
  
The comment caused the teens to laugh. "Oh yeah," Hank smiled.   
  
"Shit," He then muttered, looking at his watch, "I'm late to pick up Tahirah. I gotta go-"   
  
"If your paperwork isn't finished, you're not going anywhere," Brooke declared, entering the room.   
  
"Uh, you know it's done," Hank quickly exited the room.   
  
"Have it finished by tomorrow!" Brooke called after him, fully knowing he wasn't done.   
  
Jamie groaned, "I don't want to do mine by tommorow! Why can't you do it for me?"   
  
"Because," Brooke picked up Val's neat and finished stack, "I have a beach party to go to."   
  
"Who's hosting it?" Val asked curiously, turning in her chair.   
  
"Nicole- but half of the student body is coming. You all are welcome to go."   
  
Val shrugged, "Maybe."   
  
"I'm not really a party girl, I think i'll skip this time," Caitie said, shrugging.   
  
"C'mon on- it'll be fun," Jamie sent Caitie one of his heartwarming smiles, "I'll take you."   
  
Caitie couldn't say no. After all the years she and Jamie had been friends, his smile got her every time. If he had asked to kill her, and he had smiled, most likely she would have agreed.   
  
"Fine. But if people get drunk and the cops come, I am fully blaming you James."   
  
Val winked at Caitie before saying, "I think Jamie has a crush."   
  
"Val!" Caitie hissed through gritted teeth.   
  
Jamie blushed and before he could say anything, Val said, "Well, I'll leave now, since i'm obviously not Caitie's favorite person at the moment."   
  
She smiled again at Caitie before leaving the building. Tyler quickly followed, nodding goodbye to everyone.   
  
Jamie glanced at Caitie and then looked at his desk. He grabbed all his papers and his bookbag and said, "Uh, catch ya later."   
  
He caught her gaze for a few seconds as he was walking out the door, but soon Caitie was left alone in the room with Brooke. "I think Val's got feelings mixed up. I think you're the one with the crush," Brooke said, noticing her eyes still focused on the spot where Jamie had left.   
  
"So. . ." Caitie smiled.   
  
"I think it's sweet," Brooke giggled, "And, you get to go to the party with him. Totally romantic. You should make a move on him."   
  
Caitie's jaw dropped. "Did you turn into Val in the past 5 minutes? Since when has making moves been the highlight of going to a party with a guy?"   
  
"I don't know. I just hear Val telling people that all the time."   
  
Caitie laughed. "Well, I have to go. I'll probably talk to you tomorrow at the party. Bye!"   
  
"Bye," Brooke replied. She watched the skinny, black-haired girl walk down the hall and leave the building.   
  
A/N: Gosh that sucked. Review anyways. I'm off now to write my second chappie before i delete this story. 


	2. Night To Remember

A/N: R/R! If you're reading this, that means that the second chapter is posted, which means that I have passed what I think is the hardest mountain on the writing feild. Yay.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any IaHB characters, themes, or settings.   
  
Caitie pulled open her locker and shoved her Spanish, math, and science book inside. She pulled out her history book right as Jamie walked up.   
  
"Hey," he greeted, smiling his lopsided grin.   
  
"Hey." She returned the greeting and closed her locker. "What do you have fourth period? I forgot."   
  
"Phys. Ed.," Jamie frowned. "And all the hot girls had it last semester."   
  
Caitie rolled her eyes. "I seroiusly wonder what goes on inside guys' heads. It seems like its half naked women, half having sex with women."   
  
"Close," Jamie considered what she said, and, getting a look of disapproval from Caitie, said, "But we also think about food. And video games."   
  
Caitie playfully punched him in the shoulder and said, "You're pathetic."   
  
"Then why are you going to the party with me tonight?"   
  
"Because I feel bad for you."   
  
Caitie smiled and winked at him before entering Mr. McDonald's History class. She took her assigned seat in the back next to Ben Schultz. He was one of the normal guys, not nessicarily popular, but not exactly nerdy or an outcast. He nodded 'Hello' and went back to pulling the loose string on his binder.   
  
"Welcome class," Mr. McDonald entered, speaking like fingernails on a chalkboard. Caitie was 100% sure he was gay.   
  
"Today we are going to dulge even more deeper into World War II. Let's start with. . ."   
  
Caitie began to loose focus of what he was saying and started doodling on a sheet of paper. She was shading in a drawing when Ben whispered, "I hope you know that if McDonald catches you, you'll have dentention this afternoon. He considers doodles notes."   
  
Caitie shrugged.   
  
"You don't care?" Ben asked quietly.   
  
"A detention for me is nothing new," Caitie whispered back grudgingly, "And, no, I don't care."   
  
"You should."   
  
"Give me one reason why."   
  
"Because detention means you have something occupying your time this afternoon, when you could be at a party with me."   
  
Caitie felt her heart skip a beat. It was surprising, though, because Caitie knew that she didn't have feelings for him. "I already have someone to go with. . ."   
  
"Really, well, if you change your mind. . ."   
  
"I'll let you know," Caitie practically read his mind.   
  
"Roth and Schultz! Are you teaching a lesson to my class?" the teacher's voice boomed through the classroom.   
  
"No," the two replied in unison.   
  
"Well, then I suggest you keep your mouths shut."   
  
Caitie embarassingly looked down at her hands and sat there like that throughout the rest of class.   
  
*   
  
*   
  
*   
  
Caitie entered the EMT common room and said, "Jamie- you ready to go?"   
  
"Yeah, one sec. . ."   
  
Jamie stacked his papers up and put them in a folder labeled, 'Paperwork' and stood up. "Let's go."   
  
He shoved his leather jacket over his blue-collared shirt and followed her out of the building.   
  
10 minutes later, around 7:45, they arrived at the party. Smoke filled the air, from the barbeque and from various seniors standing around, smoking. Caitie spotted Nicole, Brooke's friend in the crowd.   
  
"Heyyy," She said, holding a half-full beer bottle. She was obviously drunk. "Whaz goin on Ca-cat-Oh yeah! Catherine! Sup?"   
  
"It's Caitie. . ." Caitie said, glancing at the guy next to Nicole. She noticed someone else, and was off. "Do you have any idea that your girlfriend is wasted?"   
  
The guy shrugged. "I just do what she tells me to. And she told me not to worry- that she's a big girl and she can handle it."   
  
With that, he was off, following Nicole into the bunch of freshman kids crowding around each other. Caitie followed them only with her eyes and looked disgustedly at him. "What a loser boyfriend."   
  
"Yeah," Jamie said, staring at her. He glanced over at the shoreline of the beach and asked, "Do you want to take a walk? Get some fresh air?"   
  
"Sure," Caitie replied. She turned on her heel and grabbed Jamie's arm, pulling him towards the waves. He followed.   
  
When they reached the ocean line, they strolled along it, in silence. Caitie felt the sand squeeze up onto her flip-flops and suround her toes. The ocean was serene and relaxing, and Caitie quietly said, "I need to talk to you."   
  
"Thinking she was upset or angry about something he did, Jamie surprisingly asked, "What? Did something happen to you?"   
  
"No. . .no, nothing like that," Caitie said, stopping and turning to face him. He saw her stop and did the same. "Well, what is it then?"   
  
"I. . ." Caitie's breath turned shaky. How could she tell him that she had the biggest crush on him in the history of the world? Rejection was her biggest fear- the fear of him saying, 'Sorry, Caitie, I like you. . .but not in that way. Bye now!' And leaving her side, off to find someone more popular and attractive who would treat him like a prince, when she had little to offer coming from a family with one drunken mother and a crack- cocaine addicted father, who moved out 8 years ago. Caitie looked at her feet in the sand, and tried again, "I think. . ."   
  
Jamie looked at her expectantly, and Caitie gave in. "I think that the shirt you're wearing totally fits your style."   
  
Jamie looked confused at first, then grinned, "That's what you wanted to talk to me about?"   
  
"Yeah," Caitie said sheepishly, blushing. What kind of idiot told a guy that they needed to have a *talk* about his shirt?   
  
"Okay then. . ."   
  
Caitie was about to continue walking, but Jamie pulled her back, "I need to talk to you about something."   
  
Caitie looked back. "Yeah?"   
  
"You're insane."   
  
Caitie's jaw dropped and she stuck her tongue out at him. "Thanks a lot."   
  
Jamie laughed, "You wouldn't be as amazing if you weren't insane. It's what makes Caitie. . .Caitie."   
  
Caitie's heart skipped a beat at the way he said *amazing*. "Yeah," she whispered, caught in his eyes, "I'm not that amazing. Unless you talk to Hank. Then I'm way more than amazing- I'm actually *uh*."   
  
"Wow," Jamie said, "I'm impressed. So few women these days have that special quality."   
  
Caitie laughed. Suddenly it all turned silent and Jamie leaned in, close to Caitie. "I. . ."   
  
Caitie didn't know what she was about to say, but she was saved by Jamie's lips absorbing hers. Caitie was really liking the kiss until Jamie broke it. "I. . .I really should get going. I'm so sorry."   
  
He quickly let go of her cheek and walked away fast. "Jamie! Wait! Why are you sorry!?"   
  
Caitie tried to get him to come back, but he was long lost in the crowd. "Shit!" She muttered, kicking the sand.   
  
"You okay?"   
  
Caitie turned at the voice behind her and saw none other than Ben Schultz. "Yeah, I'm fine," Caitie snapped. But then she calmed her tone and said, "Sorry. Yeah, why do you ask?"   
  
"I saw what happened. . . I'm sure he just was being selfish."   
  
"Jamie would never-"   
  
Ben was now inches away from her face. "I can treat you so much better. . ."   
  
He leaned in and kissed her, his tongue pushing at her lips.   
  
"Get off me!" Caitie yelled, yanking out of his grasp. She turned and started jogging away from him.   
  
He yelled at her back, "If you would lighten up a little, maybe Jamie wouldn't think you were such a bitch!"   
  
Caitie stopped running and turned, facing him slowly. "Excuse me?"   
  
"You heard me! Jamie's always talking about how slutty and Goth you are! He can't stand the way you dress or act! I always overhear him with Brianne, 'Caitie has been getting on my last nerve, she's such a loser, blah blah blah blah blah.' I'm surprised he hangs around you as much as he does! He can't stand you!"   
  
Caitie felt the hurt inside of her heart rip open and a tear appeared in her eye. "You don't know me! That's the whole thing! And Jamie wouldn't ever say something-"   
  
"You better believe it. I wouldn't just randomly make this up. He can't stand you. He hates you."   
  
Caitie felt a tear run down her cheek and turned again, racing off in the distance as far as the sand would take her. She ended up at the other end of the party, near the parking lot. She saw Jamie's motorcycle, and him. And Val.   
  
Jamie was leaning back against the motorcycle, Val holding on to his shoulders. She was fully studying him. Studying his lips. With hers. Caitie didn't care anymore. If Jamie didn't care about her, she didn't care what the hell the slut did with Caitie's long-term crush.   
  
Caitie wasn't even noticed as she passed the two. She made her way onto the side of the road and walked silently, holding her flip flops in her hand. Her face had streaks of tears down it, but she didn't feel like crying anyomore. She didn't want to throw herself a pity-party.   
  
The ground was rough and uneven, causing Caitie to have to squint down at the ground in order to not step on anything dangerous. She finally gave up as her eyes ached, and she just looked straight ahead, feeling the ground with her feet. Life was so unfair. When had she ever gotten a say on what SHE wanted to have done? Why was it all just planned out, like a puzzle she didn't know the answer to, but someone higher did? Why couldn't Caitie have been prettier, skinner, nicer, more likeable, ANYTHING to get Jamie to notice her besides a friend?   
  
Then it hit her. Again. Jamie didn't give a damn about Caitie. As much as she didn't want to, it was almost impossible NOT to believe Ben. He wouldn't make up something like that- there was no reason to. Right? Caitie shrugged the nagging of the voice that favored Jamie in her head out and felt her eyes get blurry again.   
  
"Stop!!" She gritted at herself through her teeth. "Crying won't help anything! It didn't help when mom was wasted on the couch, or when dad was stoned a million miles away in New York. Stop!"   
  
Her sincere efforts didn't help her feelings at all. She felt tear after tear pour down her face. Nothing was ever fair! Caitie felt a vehicle pull up next to her and she tried to quickly wipe away her tears. It was the one person in the entire world she would not have accepted $100,000 to see.   
  
Jamie.   
  
Caitie ignored him. His bike slowed down and he pulled his helmet shade up. "Do you need a ride? Your feet are going to be killing you tomorrow."   
  
Caitie continued to ignore him, gently biting her tongue to keep herself from saying anything. Jamie's bike slowly trailed along with her.   
  
"Hello? Wouldn't you rather get a ride than kill your feet?"   
  
Caitie still remained silent, trying to avoid looking at him.   
  
"Caitie! Will you stop being a bitch and just get on the freakin bike!"   
  
"That's what you've always thought of me isn't it! Just a bitch you can mess around with!" The words were out before Caitie could stop them.   
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"   
  
"You know what it means!"   
  
"Why don't you tell me what it means!"   
  
Caitie looked over at him, tears burning her eyes. "Because. . .Because I can't."   
  
Jamie pulled his helmet back over his eyes and said, "Fine. Be that way."   
  
He zoomed off, leaving a cloud of exhaust hovering next to Caitie. She watched his bike fade away in the distance and she sat down and cried. She just sat there, bawling her eyes out and wishing there was some way out of this mess.   
  
*   
  
*   
  
*   
  
Caitie arrived home 15 minutes after she had met Jamie on the road. Her feet ached, like Jamie promised they would, and she had a splitting headache. She dropped her shoes by the doorway and walked to the staircase.   
  
"You're home early," Caitie's mom said from her position on the couch. "Are you okay?"   
  
Her words were quickly fading. She had been drunk so many times that slurring didn't happen anymore. Just *fading*, as Caitie called it, where her voice would start out loud and get softer until she fell asleep.   
  
"It was boring," Caitie kept it simple, picking up the two empty vodka bottles on the coffee table. She walked into the kitchen and shoved them in the recycling bin.   
  
"I. . .I hope you had a good. . .time. . . . " Mrs. Roth was quickly asleep before Caitie could share anymore details.   
  
She closed the cabinet and opened the fridge. They had a jar of pickles and a 6-pack of Heinikens beer.   
  
Caitie shoved the door shut and made her way back across the living room to the door, grabbing her jacket. "I'm running to Kroger really quick mom, I'll be back soon."   
  
It wouldn't have mattered if Caitie had informed her mom that she was commiting suicide, because her mom was way beyond even mildly aware of what was going on around her. Caitie wasn't even sure why she bothered.   
  
Caitie shoved her jean jacket over her black tanktop and opened the door, slamming it behind her. It wasn't like her mom could hear it anyway.   
  
Caitie got into her car and started it, backing out of the driveway and turning the corner, heading for the Kroger down the street. She turned the radio on, but no music came out. Instead, late night talk shows and commercials filled the air. Caitie turned it off, and thought.   
  
She thought about Jamie, and what Ben had said about him. She thought about the way she would have to work extra hard to get money for college, because her mother had no job. She thought about Val's major backstabbing, whether Jamie liked Caitie or not. She thought about her dad, far, far, away, buying drugs and wasting his life to cocaine. He went to a rehab center for 5 months, 4 weeks, and 3 days. He still couldn't get un-addicted to the stimulant that would one day kill him.   
  
Before she knew it, Caitie was in the parking lot of Kroger. She turned the car off, shoved her keys in her pocket, and stepped out. She felt an immense pain in her ankle.   
  
"Probably a sprain," she muttered to herself, silently cursing herself for walking so long without shoes. She mildly limped to and inside the building, quickly buying the items she needed.   
  
Caitie got in the near-empty check-out line and dropped her stuff. The lady ran the ace bandage box across the scanner and "$200.00" came up on the screen.   
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't know that ace bandages would tear my wallet apart."   
  
"Sorry, doll," the woman said, with a strong Jewish accent. Her 'doll' sounded more like 'dwal.' "It was a mistake."   
  
She pushed a few buttons, and Caitie was annoyed by the trouble that was  
  
caused by only buying an ace bandage, a box of tampons, and a thing of chocolate chip cookie dough.   
  
A few minutes later, the lady finished and said, "That'll be $16.74, sweetheart."   
  
Caitie gave her the crumpled '20' and then got her change. She walked out of the store with her bag, still limping. When she got outside, none other than Jamie Waite was standing against the wall, half of his body within her view, half not. She wasn't sure if he saw her or not.   
  
"Do you follow me everywhere? Or do you just get physcic signals of where I am every living second?"   
  
Jamie turned and smiled. "Caitie-"   
  
"Don't even."   
  
Caitie continued limping towards her car and felt Jamie touch her shoulder, causing her to stop unless she wanted to kill her already twisted/sprained ankle.   
  
"What!?" She asked, spinning around to face him. "What now!"   
  
"I just wanted to talk. . ."   
  
"About what! About how that kiss was absolutely nothing! About how you hate me secretly!! What about you making out with Val right after you had kissed me, leading me to think things that weren't true!! How can you Jamie!"   
  
Her voice faded to a whisper as she said the last sentence and she asked, "How can you do this to me?"   
  
"Caitie- can we please do this somewhere else? People are beginning to stare."   
  
Caitie ignored the strange looks people were giving them as they passed, and she said, "No! Jamie! We're doing this here and now! I'm so sick of all the shit you put me through! I gave my heart out to you! I let you know how I felt by kissing you back! But you don't really care do you? I can never be good enough? I'm just the slutty bitch that you talk to Brianne about all the time huh?"   
  
"Caitie! What the hell! Will you PLEASE explain to me what you are talking about!?" Jamie said, taking her hands in his.   
  
"Ben. Ben Schultz?"   
  
Jamie looked blank.   
  
"Yeah, well, he sits next to me in history. And he told me that he's seen you talking to Brianne about how you can't stand me- I'm just not going to deal with it anymore!"   
  
Caitie felt tears running down her face, but she didn't care. She wanted- she NEEDED him to hear this. "Jamie- I'm going to be upfront and honest with you. I love you. As a boyfriend, partner, spouse, WHATEVER you want to use! Jamie! I've never felt like this before! But I've also never been so hurt in my life! My mother is a freaking alcoholic who sits on the couch all day drinking until she can't even wake up from sleeping! My dad is a trillion miles away getting high! Do you seriously think I need you on top of all of this? And you're supposed to be the one that helps me- not burdens me."   
  
Caitie lowered her voice to a whisper, still heavily crying. "I thought you understood Jamie. I thought you were so much different. But you're not- you're just like everyone else."   
  
Caitie turned and continued limping down towards her car, leaving Jamie speechless and shocked.   
  
*   
  
*   
  
*   
  
A/N#2: I'm actually pretty pleased with this chappie. I like it better than Chapter 1- it's longer and more dramatic. Review? Please? If you won't do it for me, do it for a second chapter. ^__^ 


	3. Starting Over

A/N: Thankyou, for the reviews. Tis quite depressing that I only have 3 reviews, two from the same person. Oh well, readers, please review. It would make me jump for joy. Okay, maybe I won't *jump*, but I will smile gleefully.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any In A Heartbeat themes, settings, or characters. I own Ben Schultz and no one else.   
  
Caitie walked down the stairs, and into the living room. The couch was unoccupied, meaning her mother was up. Caitie entered the small kitchen and saw her mom close the dishwasher and turn it on. She turned and saw Caitie, smiling. "Good morning, sweetie." Caitie eyed her catiously and said, "Are you feeling okay?"   
  
"Look, honey, I need to talk to you. About everything." Mrs. Roth pulled out two chairs, one for herself and one for Caitie. Caitie reluctantly sat down across from her mom.   
  
"I know I haven't exactly been the best mom in the past years," Caitie's mother started, looking straight at Caitie. "But I'm really going to try to change. For you, for me- so we can be a family again. I'm so sorry for all that I've put you through, Caitie, but after your father left things for me were never the same. I'm sorry for everything, and I'm willing to start over. I think I'm getting a second chance at being your mother."   
  
Caitie looked down at her hands. "You said this the year after dad left, when you first started drinking. And. . .you obviously didn't mean it, because if you did you wouldn't still do it now. How do I know you're serious this time?"   
  
"Honey, I'd do anything if I could erase those years, make it all go away. But this time, quitting is for real. I'm due for a job interview at 11, actually, so I need to get going. I'm really going to try, Caitie. I miss you. I miss spending time with you. I love you so much."   
  
Mrs. Roth kissed her daughter on the forehead and hugged her tightly. "Please have faith in me."   
  
Before Caitie could say anything, her mom was out the kitchen door, purse and jacket in hand. Caitie could tell she had tried really hard to stop drinking, atleast for the time being, and help Caitie out. For that Caitie was very grateful.  
  
Caitie started cleaning up the kitchen, tossing wadded up tissues and paper towels in the trash can, and wiping the counter off with a dishrag. She always cleaned when she was unsure of her thoughts.  
  
The doorbell rang and Caitie wiped her hands off on a dry towel, making her way towards the door. She pulled it open in her white t-shirt and light blue pajama pants. It was none other than Jamie, the King of People Who Stopped by Her House During the Day.   
  
"Hi," Caitie said awkwardly, running her fingers through her messy hair. "Hey. Can I, uh, come in?" Jamie asked.   
  
"Sure..." Caitie opened the door wider and he stepped in. She walked to the semi-circle couch and sat down at one end. Jamie sat down in between the edge of the couch and her.   
  
"We really need to talk."   
  
"Go on," Caitie said, looking at him, once madly in love with those dark chocolate eyes and dark brown spiked hair.   
  
"I don't know where you got the idea that I hate you or think you're- erm...a bitch- but I've never said that. You can even ask Brianne."   
  
"Okay," Caitie said slowly, tasting every letter. "What about Val? And. . .yesterday- I don't know where your feelings are."   
  
"They're not with Val," Jamie said sincerely, looking straight into her eyes as he said it. "It was just one of those moments- she kissed me and I just. . .kissed back."   
  
"That makes a lot of sense," Caitie said, trying to crack a joke but failing intensely.   
  
Jamie gave her a weak smile and replied, "Well, I don't have feelings for Val- at all."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Yeah- Caitie I like you. A lot. I was just nervous yesterday- not knowing if you liked me back, or. . .if you thought I was crazy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. . ."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"I'm sorry that I kissed Val and that I just walked away on you. But I do like you, as. . .er. . .more than a friend."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Can you only say 'Oh'?" Jamie asked, smiling.   
  
"No, I can say more," Caitie half-smiled, but it quickly faded. "And I did like you. . .before. . ."   
  
"But not now?" Although Jamie was trying to act calm and collected, Caitie sinced a hint of pain in his voice.   
  
"I don't know."   
  
"Oh."   
  
Despite her cover, Caitie wanted to throw herself into Jamie's arms and kiss him until her mouth was sore. She held herself back, though, knowing that if she did she would be embarrassed around him for the rest of her life.   
  
"I really should get going," Jamie said, clearing his throat and standing up. "Okay."   
  
Caitie stood up and followed him to the door. Before he opened the door, he turned back to her and planted a deep kiss on her lips. "I love you Caitie. And nothing is going to change that."   
  
She wanted to scream back at him 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!' but instead just watched him turn, open the door, walk out, close the door, and make his way down the steps and then down the driveway. He climbed onto his motorcycle, and sped down the road, soon out of view. *   
  
*   
  
* A/N#2: That sucked. Hard. And it was really short. Oh well, onto Chapter 4. And good news: Chapters 5 and 6 will be almost twice as long as Chapter two, and that is a large improvement for me. ^_^ Review please!!!!!  
  
Ahh! I almost forgot!! A huge thanks to Mel for beta-ing for me. ^__^ 


	4. Back into your Arms

A/N: 4th Chappie... here you go... Please R/R even though I have about 4 readers...  
  
Disclaimer: Ahhh I don't own IaHB!!  
  
Caitie padded into the kitchen wearing her white, fluffy slippers and an over-sized T-shirt that partially covered her "Let-it-snow" pajama pants.  
  
She stuck two pop-tarts in the toaster and turned it on, sitting down at the small kitchen table.  
  
Her mother came in a few minutes later looking pale and disfigured. "Puking is the pits," Sarah Roth complained, sitting and rubbing her forehead with her hands. "It has got to be the worst sickness symptom ever created."  
  
Caitie was silent for a moment, and then looked up at her mother. "You're serious about recovering, aren't you?"  
  
"Yeah, Caitie, I really am." Sarah gave her daughter a weak smile. "I would give anything to make up for the lost time."  
  
Caitie smiled back at her mom as she sighed and asked, "What can I get you for breakfast?"  
  
"I've already got pop-tarts cooking. Do you want me to make you anything?"  
  
"I don't think we have much to eat," Sarah said, glancing over at the small pantry.  
  
"I could run over to the store," Caitie offered, but was cut off by the doorbell ringing.  
  
"Who would be here now?" Mrs. Roth groaned into her hands.  
  
Caitie reluctantly walked to the front door and pulled it open.  
  
A man was standing on the doorstep, looking fresh-shaven but tired, wearing brown leather pants and a brown and red checkered shirt. His blonde hair was long, hanging past the bottoms of his ears, but his eyes were still the same sky blue.  
  
"Hey, Kat," the man smiled, looking into Caitie's eyes.  
  
"Hi...dad."  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Mrs. Roth stacked the dishes in the dishwasher, and turned it on, heading for the trash can.  
  
"Look, Sarah, I'm sober now."  
  
"So you decided to take up alcohol too while you were gone?" She asked dryly, pulling the trash bag out of the bin and turned, facing him.  
  
"Sarah, baby, you know that's not the point. It's not like you haven't made any stupid choices."  
  
Sarah knew he was referring to her alcoholism, but she let it pass and continued, "How do I know you're for real? How can I know that the same thing that happened before won't happen again, Jake?"  
  
Her voice was getting shaky and she pushed pass him, heading for the garage. He followed, exasperated.  
  
"Baby, I've been in rehab for 4 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days. I'm clean now."  
  
Sarah slammed the lid of the huge green trashcan and turned, looking into his deep blue eyes. "I...I don't know."  
  
"Look, Sarah, Baby, I love you. And I'm not really asking much except for you to forgive me and let me prove to you that I can be trusted again. This means so much to me; please give me another chance."  
  
Sarah looked at him, her heart reaching out and her stubbornness melting in his eyes. "I guess you can come home, but ONLY if I see that you can stay clean. No more drugs; at all."  
  
"You got it. Thank you baby," Jake kissed her on the mouth and said, "I'm gonna get my stuff from Mike's, okay? I'll be back by tomorrow afternoon. I just need to get a few things straightened out."  
  
"Okay," Sarah gave him an unsure smile as he turned and walked out the side door.  
  
Sarah sighed and ran her fingers through her long brown hair. She walked to the door leading into the living room and went inside. Caitie was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, staring at her mom. "You're letting him come back," she said slowly, as if letting the words sink in.  
  
"You heard," Sarah said, mildly surprised.  
  
"Yeah, you can say that much," Caitie said dryly, "Now tell me why you're letting a psycho into our house."  
  
"Caitie, he's your father."  
  
"I don't care! That doesn't automatically make him my role-model!"  
  
"Caitie, everyone deserves a second chance," Sarah said, ignoring the sharpness in Caitie's voice.  
  
"A chance to do what, mom!?" Caitie replied angrily, standing up, "To have him beat you up some more? To have him leave for days at a time, while you're scared beyond belief!?"  
  
Sarah was taken aback by Caitie's outburst. "Caitie...he's clean now, that's not going to happen again."  
  
"How do you know mom! How can you make such a stupid decision!?" Before Sarah could open her mouth, Caitie sighed and declared, "Fine. Fine Mom. Let him live with us again. But don't be apologizing to me when you're in the hospital covered in bruises again."  
  
Caitie turned and stormed up the stairs, diving onto her bed and slamming the door behind her.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
As fast as she could, Caitie pulled on jeans and a purple long-sleeved shirt, tugging on a black short-sleeved shirt over it. She shoved on her Birkenstocks and ran a brush through her hair before climbing out her window.  
  
Caitie shivered as the cold wind breezed by. She walked to the end of her driveway and walked along the sidewalk for a while. She turned the corner and walked up the driveway to Jamie's doorstep.  
  
She knocked hesitantly on the wooden door and waited. A few moments later, the door swung open and Jamie was standing there. His hair was messed up in a cute way, and he was wearing a white t-shirt and plaid boxers.  
  
"Hi," Caitie said nervously, shoving her hands in her back pokets.  
  
"Hey," Jamie looked down at his clothes and said, "Sorry for the appearance; I wasn't expecting company. Especially company of the female variety."  
  
Caitie smiled. Jamie looked behind him and then out at her. "Uh, Come on in."  
  
Caitie stepped into his house, and Jamie shut the door behind her.  
  
"Look," they both said in unison.  
  
"No, go ahead," Jamie urged her.  
  
"I was going to say...that I..." Caitie struggled with the words that wanted to escape from her mouth. "The kiss," Caitie started again, "I mean, our kiss..."  
  
"Yeah," Jamie said slowly, inching towards her, "What about it?"  
  
"I...I like you Jamie...I like you a lot. But I need to know if the feelings...are mutual. If the kiss at the party...meant anything to you."  
  
"Did you seriously not hear anything I said to you yesterday?" Jamie smiled, now less than an inch away from her face.  
  
Before he could stop himself, Jamie's lips brushed hers.  
  
Caitie slowly pulled apart a moment later and asked, smiling, "Is that a yes?"  
  
Jamie grinned and said sarcastically, "No, I just like kissing you for the hell of it."  
  
Caitie laughed and Jamie brought her into another kiss. It was all Caitie needed, for the time being, to forget her troubles at home.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
A/N#2: Ah, I know it's bad!! But please stick with me, because the plot hasn't even really begun. ^_^ Review, and once again, I am sorry if this was too rushed. 


	5. Gone

A/N: Thankies for the SMALL amount of reviews; Please continue to REVIEW! Sorry I haven't posted in decades, I've just been crammed with end-of-school-year assignments... so I haven't exactly had the most time. Please review!! I promise I'll get to one of your stories if I already haven't if you review me!!   
  
The motorcycle's engine slowly droned down to a steady chug as Jamie stopped the bike. Caitie swung her leg over the side and handed the helmet to Jamie. "Thanks for the ride," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Jamie nodded at her and tugged his helmet on, then sped off around the corner.  
  
Caitie walked down her driveway and then pushed open her front door. At first she only saw her mom, sitting on the couch, hugging her knees to her chest, looking frightened and weak. Then she saw him. Her dad was in the middle of the living room, his fist raised high as if he was about to strike Sarah Roth. Caitie first stood back in fear, tears brimming her eyelids. Then the reality of the situation hit her in the face.  
  
_The 11-year-old girl whimpered in the corner of her room as she heard the worst sounds from her parent's room. Her dad grunted and swung again. Caitie couldn't see it, but the sounds of her mother's screams of pain after each groan caused Caitie to flinch and sob harder.  
  
"Jake... please stop! I love you! I'm sorry!"  
  
Caitie never knew what the apologies were for; her mother hadn't done a thing!  
  
"Shut up, bitch!"  
  
Caitie flinched and tears poured down her face as she heard another cry of antagonizing pain from her mother.  
  
The hospital was gross. It smelled like soap and rubber gloves. Caitie stood beside the hospital bed, staring at the bruised woman in it.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
The woman slowly rolled over, revealing a black eye and a gash across her check. "Caitie... oh my sweet, sweet girl...I'm so sorry this is happening...I love you so much."  
  
The 13-year old watched as Sarah's head dropped back onto the pillow and she fell back asleep. Her skin was so pale and bruised she almost looked dead.  
_  
"NO!" Caitie screamed, slamming the door behind her and tearing through the hallway to her mother.  
  
Jake turned at the sound of his daughter's cries. "Get out of my house, slut. Go mess with some boys."  
  
Before her thoughts could take over her actions, her actions won and she slapped her father across the face as hard as she could.  
  
"Don't ever talk to me like that again. And don't touch her again. Get out of MY house," Caitie stated, her words shaky. She was amazed at her own braveness.  
  
Jake looked awestricken, and touched his face lightly. He turned towards Sarah and said, "You're lucky you've got the slut to keep you safe and warm. And by the way; I liked you a whole lot better when you had a few beers in ya."  
  
Jake grabbed his jacket off the side of the couch and stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind him.  
  
Caitie crouched down beside her mom, looking for bruises. "Where did he hit you?"  
  
"Oh Caitie, I'm sorry-"  
  
"Where did he hit you?" Caitie asked again, firmly, not wanting to hear her lame apologies.  
  
"My stomach...and he threw a bottle of wine at my arm."  
  
Caitie pulled her arm up and saw a huge gash from her elbow to her wrist. She gently laid it back down and pulled up her shirt. A purple bruise was beginning to form across her abdomen.  
  
"Hold on."  
  
Caitie left the room for a minute and came back carrying medicine and bandages. She knelt down again, and sprayed the wound with disinfectant spray. Sarah winced in pain, but managed to keep her arm held out. Caitie then put ointment on the cut and wrapped it with gauze. She picked up a sling off the floor and strung it over her mom's shoulder, afterwards putting her wounded arm inside of it.  
  
"Where did we get a sling?" Mrs. Roth asked, slowly trying to stand up.  
  
"The last time you were in the hospital," Caitie said coldly, staring her mother hard in the eyes.  
  
"Oh."  
  
Caitie helped her mom to the couch, and set a blanket over her. "Here's the phone, and the TV remote. I'm going for a walk. I'll lock the door, and if he comes back you call 911. Do you understand?"  
  
Sarah slowly nodded, feeling weak and helpless. Caitie watched her mother quickly fall asleep, and she stormed out of the living room and into the hallway. She opened the front door and stepped out into the fall breeze. Caitie silently shut the door behind her and walked down to the end of the driveway.  
  
Caitie turned back behind the house and raced through the trees, branches slapping at her. She ran as hard and as fast as she could, finally emerging at the other side of the forest. She was next to a coffee shop. Caitie stopped and caught her breath, gasping for air.  
  
She leaned against the side of the old building, shutting her eyes tightly. Tears started filling her eyes, and she opened them to let one roll down her cheek. Caitie sniffed and wiped her eyes, trying carefully not to wipe her makeup off. Life was such a disappointment.  
  
Caitie woke up suddenly, listening intently for the sound she had heard just moments earlier. There it was again: Something hit her window. Caitie jumped out of bed and walked to her window, peering cautiously down at the ground. Jamie was standing on the grass, a pebble in his hand, his arm ready to throw again.  
  
Caitie pulled the window open as the pebble came flying up and hit her in the nose.  
  
"Jeez!" Caitie muttered, massaging her nose. "What do you want?"  
  
"I wanted to see if you were okay."  
  
Caitie turned and looked at her alarm clock. The red letters glowed 11:45. "Well, believe it or not, dreams can't hurt you. I'll be getting back to bed now."  
  
"No! Come out! Please?" Jamie asked, staring up at the tired girl.  
  
Caitie sighed. "I'll make you a deal. I'm not coming out there; but you can come in here. Take it or leave it."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"Meet me at the side door."  
  
A few minutes later, Caitie swung the door open to come face-to-face with Jamie. "Why did you want to know if I was okay?"  
  
"Because I called eight times and no one picked up."  
  
"Oh," Caitie eyed him skeptically, and then swung the door open wider. "Come in."  
  
Jamie followed her upstairs to Caitie's bedroom. She pushed her door open and collapsed on her bed. Jamie hesitantly walked in after her, looking for a place to sit. Caitie buried her body in the covers, and Jamie asked, "Do you have a chair in here?"  
  
"In my bathroom down the hall; but don't worry about it- just get in the bed."  
  
"What?" Jamie asked, his heart hammering against his ribcage.  
  
"Jamie, just because I ask you to lie in a bed with me does not mean that we're going to have sex. Besides, we've barely dated long enough to do so if that was my intention. Just get in the damn bed."  
  
Jamie kicked off his tennis shoes and pulled his jacket off, awkwardly joining Caitie underneath the blanket. He wrapped his arms around her waist, her back facing his chest.  
  
"Are you okay?" Jamie asked.  
  
"I don't know." Caitie took a deep breath and recalled the events of that day. She ended with turning towards him, making Jamie adjust his hold on her waist. "I feel like I'm the mother and she's the child. I'm so sick of it."  
  
"You're just lucky you got home in time," Jamie said, gently kissing her forehead.  
  
Caitie looked up at him, her eyes linking with his. Her lip trembled and she whispered, "I was so scared."  
  
"Oh, baby, I know you were," Jamie said, stroking her hair and pulling her body to his. "But it's going to be okay."  
  
Normally, Caitie would've let the words breeze by, but because Jamie spoke them, and the way he said them, Caitie really did believe that everything would turn out okay.  
  
Caitie woke up because of two things: One, the sun was glaring at her through her open blinds, and Jamie was up and moving around.  
  
"What are you doing?" Caitie grumbled, squinting at him through the sunlight.  
  
"Getting up because I'll be dead if your mom catches me in your bedroom."  
  
Caitie sat up slowly, and rubbed her face. "Jamie, we didn't do anything. Grow up; my mom is probably too asleep to know if the house came crashing down."  
  
Jamie yanked his shoe on and glanced at her. "I don't care. I'm dead if anyone over the age of 18 finds that we spent the night together last night."  
  
"Jamie! Must I need to repeat myself? We didn't DO it, we slept. That would be why its called 'sleeping together'; you sleep. Imagine that," Caitie finished sarcastically.  
  
"Jeez you're cranky in the morning," Jamie said, getting an evil eye from her, "Sorry, sorry, I've just never seen you in the morning unless you've had coffee. But anyway, we can't PROVE that we didn't do anything, and it's not like us sleeping together is going to make our parents ecstatic."  
  
"Since when do you care what your parents think?" Caitie asked, somehow managing to drag herself out of bed into a standing position. She yawned and stretched her arms.  
  
"I don't. I just care about what happens after they find out, because I don't want to be in trouble again; my bike might get taken away."  
  
Caitie rolled her eyes. "Whatever. See you at school."  
  
Before Jamie had a chance to open the door leading into the hallway, they both heard footsteps coming up the stairs.  
  
"Shit," Caitie muttered, quickly locking the door.  
  
"Caitie? Are you awake? Who are you talking to?" came Mrs. Roth's voice from outside Caitie's door.  
  
Jamie looked around frantically for somewhere to hide. "No," Caitie mouthed silently to him, motioning for him to stay still.  
  
"Yeah, I'm...er... getting dressed."  
  
"Can I come in? I want to talk about yesterday."  
  
Caitie searched for the words she needed and ended up saying, "I'm naked."  
  
"It's not like you haven't got anything I haven't!" Mrs. Roth laughed timidly, and Caitie turned bright red as Jamie raised his eyebrows at her and smirked.  
  
"Mom, no, ew, that's gross. I'll be out in like 10 minutes."  
  
"If you insist," Mrs. Roth sighed, "I mean, it's not like you're hiding any boys in there." She laughed again, and Caitie tensed. The two waited until they heard the footsteps travel back down the hall and Mrs. Roth's door shut until Jamie breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"That was close," Jamie said, raising his eyebrows and pushing his way past Caitie.  
  
"Where are you going?" Caitie asked.  
  
Jamie looked around and said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I'm going to school."  
  
Caitie incredulously looked at him and then at her clock. "It's only 8:00. You have 20 more minutes. And I need a ride."  
  
"Well, see, I don't think giving you a ride is more important than the fact that your mother could catch us and I would be in so much trouble that I doubt if I would ever see the light of day again."  
  
Caitie rolled here eyes and said, "Give me 5 minutes. Wait outside. I'll be out in no time- please?"  
  
Jamie looked at her desperate eyes. How was he going to say no? "Fine. But hurry or I'm leaving without you."  
  
Caitie nodded and Jamie, after listening intently to noises in the hallway, crept out of Caitie's room and out of the house.  
  
Caitie quickly threw on a black long-sleeved shirt with 'Evanescence' printed across it, and then dark blue jeans. She quickly ran a brush through her hair and put on eyeliner, then hurried down the stairs and out of the house.  
  
Jamie was waiting for her, as promised, at the end of her driveway. Caitie climbed on behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest, and he sped off.  
  
Caitie tapped her pencil against the desk and glanced at the clock again. 26 minutes until the last period of the day. Caitie watched the second hand slowly tick around the old fashioned clock and sighed.  
  
She looked around the room. Almost everyone was asleep except for the nerds, who were watching the lesson and taking descriptive notes, obviously engrossed in algebraic formulas. Caitie sighed again and glanced back up at the clock. 25 minutes. Didn't time move any faster?  
  
"Hmm... let's see...Caitie. How about you come and solve for x?" Mr. Williamair said, looking up from his seating chart.  
  
"Uh..." Caitie looked around, and all eyes were on her. She slowly stood up and walked to the front of the classroom, taking the chalk from the teacher's hand. "Well, first..."  
  
Caitie stared at all the numbers. She couldn't figure out what the significance was, and she tried again. "Well, first you would-"  
  
The intercom beeped and a scratchy voice came over the PA system. "Mr. Williamair?"  
  
"Yes?" The teacher asked, looking up at the small brown box as if it were a person.  
  
"Can you please send Caitilyn Roth to the office?"  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
Mr. Williamair smiled at the box and turned back to Caitie. "I think you're wanted at the office," He laughed wholeheartedly, as if he was the only one who heard the intercom.  
  
Caitie gave him a weak smile and dashed out of the room. She made her way down the hall nervously. Had she done anything bad recently? No... Had she failed something and she needed to repeat it next year? She didn't think so.  
  
Just as she was about to enter the office door, Jamie's voice rang through the hallway. "Caitie?"  
  
She turned and looked at him. "Oh, hey, What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm in the bathroom," Jamie smiled. "What are YOU doing?"  
  
"The office called Mr. Williamair's room for me."  
  
"Why?" Jamie looked as surprised as Caitie did when she first heard the call.  
  
"I have no idea. I'm about to go find out."  
  
"Well good luck if you did something bad," Jamie winked at her.  
  
"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you I murdered someone and now the police want me and my reward money is 1,000,000 dollars," Caitie said sarcastically.  
  
Jamie smiled. "I'm sure you did."  
  
Caitie sighed and rolled her eyes, pushing open the office door. She walked to the counter and the lady handed her the office telephone.  
  
Jamie watched intently from the window outside the office. Caitie's look turned from curiosity to sheer terror as she muttered something into the phone and placed it back on the hook. Caitie dug her nails into her arm and tried to keep her eyes dry as she walked, as fast as she could, to the office door. She swung it open and passed Jamie, tears brimming her eyelids.  
  
"Caitie- what happened?" Jamie asked, following her.  
  
Caitie bit her lower lip and looked up, trying to think of anything but what she had just heard over the telephone.  
  
"Damn it, Caitie, what's going on?" Jamie asked, finally catching her arm and spinning her around.  
  
"Let go of me!" Caitie screamed, spinning away from him, causing him to lose his grip on her arm.  
  
"Caitie, will you please tell me what you're doing!" Jamie tried one last time.  
  
"She was in an accident. A car accident. She's at the hospital; I need to go. Please just leave me alone!" Caitie said, tears trickling down her cheeks.  
  
"Who was!?" Jamie said, following her as she raced down the hall again.  
  
"MY MOTHER!" Caitie yelled as she started to sob. "My mom. Okay? Now will you please leave me alone!"  
  
"Caitie- let me just give you a ride; you're not going to get anywhere fast on foot."  
  
Caitie gave in and sobbed, "Okay- just please hurry!"  
  
The hospital was always as Caitie remembered it. Smelly and silent. Beeps went off every now and then from rooms cluttered down the hall, and nurses hummed while traveling down the corridors, but other than that the hospital had an incredible lack of noise.  
  
Caitie nervously cracked her knuckles, although by that point in time they were probably about to break from being cracked every five seconds. She gave up in her knuckles and dug her fingernails into her palms to keep herself from going mad.  
  
Jamie was seated right next to her, nervously glancing at Caitie every couple of seconds. The doctor finally came out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He walked over to the anxious teens waiting across the hall. Caitie jumped up, Jamie behind her. "Well?" Caitie asked nervously, trying to keep her voice steady.  
  
The doctor hopelessly looked at her and said, "I'm sorry; we did all we could, but we lost her a few minutes ago."  
  
The world seemed to be closing in on Caitie as she stared at the doctor and heard what he was saying. He said some more things, but they couldn't reach Caitie. She only thought over and over again: My mom is dead.  
  
Caitie slowly turned to Jamie and whispered, "Jamie- she's gone." And with that, Caitie collapsed in a heap of tears in his arms.   
  
A/N: Hehe... You've read, you're a good little boy/girl! Yay for you! Now review! 


	6. Let Me Steal Your Pain

A/N: Sorry for the long wait of this chapter… I haven't gotten much motivation for it, and I still don't. I'm sorry if this chapter is the pits, I don't know exactly how to make it flow the best. R/R please.

Caitie smoothed out the wrinkle in her dress, studying it from every angle. She ran her fingers through her hair, untangling it and draping it over her shoulders. Caitie turned away from the mirror as the door cracked open.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Caitie turned back to the mirror, making sure her makeup looked okay. Jamie stepped next to her, looking at the two of them in the reflection. "You look beautiful," he said, turning her away from the mirror.

Caitie looked at the ground, her eyes getting blurry again. _'Not now,' _She told herself, '_Don't start crying in front of Jamie again.'_

Caitie blinked a few times and looked back up. "We should get downstairs. I bet my aunt is waiting."

Jamie leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head and he got her cheek.

"What's wrong?" Jamie asked, lifting her chin back up.

"Nothing, I just can't kiss you now." Caitie pushed past him, more tears forming in her eyes, and made her way out the door and down the stairs. At the bottom, her aunt and two cousins were sitting on the couch. Jane, the mom, was helping her 5 year old daughter put her shoes on. A few seconds later, Jamie came down the steps behind her, stopping next to Caitie at the bottom.

"Are you guys ready to go to the church?" Jane asked, standing up and wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Yeah," Caitie said softly, heading for the door. Jamie followed her and they walked outside together. Jane and her kids followed. The drive to the church was silent. No one knew what to say, and the unspoken words made everyone feel extremely awkward. Jamie sat next to Caitie in the backseat, along with Caitie's cousin, 5-year-old Lisa, and Caitie's other cousin, Ashley, age 16, sat in the front next to her mom.

When they arrived at the church, there was still 15 minutes until the service for Mrs. Roth started. Caitie and Jamie waited outside on the swings in the little park behind the church. No one was outside, because the temperature had dropped so low due to winter starting. Caitie swung slowly back and forth, the chains holding the swing up creaking every time she went forward.

"Are you okay? I mean… besides the obvious," Jamie said in a very gentle voice. He sat down next to her and looked at her. She was as gorgeous as ever, her hair hanging down in waves across her shoulders. Her slender but perfect body fit perfectly into the black dress she was wearing.

"I don't know," Caitie said honestly, not looking at him but staring straight ahead. "I'm going to have to move."

Jamie had been dreading this conversation ever since Caitie's mom's family had arrived. "I know, Caitie. I don't want you to."

"I don't want me to either. I want to stay here and finish high school. Not in a whole different country where I know no one except my cousin, who's a preppy junior."

Jamie sighed. He knew there was something more than moving to a new high school that was bugging her. "Caitie, please tell me the full reason why you're out of it."

She couldn't. She knew she couldn't. Caitie didn't want to mention it… it was too much pain. "That's it… moving. Nothing else is bothering me."

Jamie sighed and knew that the conversation had ended. He stood. "We should get into the church."

Caitie just nodded, getting up and holding his hand.

The church service was long, in the sense that the preacher seemed to drone on forever, but short in the sense that Caitie's mind was on too many other things than the words spilling out of his mouth. She couldn't take her eyes off of the coffin at the front of the room, bearing her mother. Caitie knew that this December would be the hardest month of her life. She couldn't say goodbye to Jamie… it was like closing a whole life to open a new one. A worse one. She also couldn't leave the town where she had grown up in, the town where her mom had brought her up and raised her. The town where Caitie knew every location like the back of her hand, and Kingsport High School, the three best and worse years of her life in Kingsport. And now, she was going to California, in the US, a whole brand new country, with her cousin who couldn't be more stuck up if she tried. Caitie couldn't imagine life anywhere but her hometown, and she didn't want to try to. The worst part, though, would be saying goodbye to Jamie. Caitie didn't think she could do it. Her and Jamie had been best friends since Caitie had learned to walk, and now they loved each other deeply and knew more about each other than most married couples. All the thoughts caused tears to well up in Caitie's eyes. She quickly blinked them away and tried to listen to the preacher's words. "…Great woman…always was more concerned for her daughter than anything else…dealt responsibly with the loss of her abusive husband…" Caitie's mind drifted away again. She really couldn't believe her life was changing this quickly.

After the service, Jamie led Caitie to the door, where she met her aunt and cousins.

"We're going to go back to the house and start packing your and your mother's things, Caitie. Your friend is welcome to come help too, but we'll only be cleaning to sell the house."

Caitie's mouth dropped at the last sentence. "Sell the house?! But that's where I've spent my entire life…all my mom's memories are in that house!"

"Caitie…" Jane tried to comfort her, patting her arm. "We can't afford to keep the house and not have anyone live in it. In your mother's will, it clearly stated the house was to be sold and the money would go for your college education."

Caitie didn't know why she was making such a big deal about a house, but she still couldn't bare the fact of throwing all her mother's memories away. "No! I won't let you!"

Caitie pushed through them and out the doors. She ran across the grassy field next to the small Baptist church and sat down at a tree trunk, sobbing. The tears had finally come out. All day she had been keeping her emotions inside, and now they were pouring out of her like an overflowing river. Caitie buried her head in her knees, pulling her legs to her chest. She heard footsteps and knew Jamie had come to comfort her.

"Go away," Caitie said softly, keeping her head dug into the soft fabric. She sniffed loudly as more tears spilled down her face. She felt Jamie's warm hand on her shoulder.

"Caitie…I know it hurts, I'm so sorry this is happening. I would give anything to take away your pain right now," he said gently. Caitie unwound her arms from her legs and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, wrapping his hands around her waist. He stroked her hair with one hand, and held her to him with the other. Caitie wanted to stay like this forever. She never wanted to leave his side.

-x-

Over the next few days, everything in the house was packed and ready to load onto a moving van. They were going to stay at a hotel for the next few nights while Caitie said goodbye and Jane straightened everything out with Mrs. Roth's lawyer. Caitie was going to move in with them for the rest of the school year and summer, until she turned 18 the next August, when she would be off to college. Caitie spent most of her time walking alone, along the familiar streets and sights of her childhood. Part of her wanted to spend every minute with Jamie, while the other part wanted to stay as far away from him as possible. Caitie knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye to him… but she also wanted to see him as much as possible before she was gone. Caitie stopped by the EMT station after school was out one day. She hadn't been going to school, because the holiday break started the next day, so two days of school weren't significant. The principal told her to spend time with her family and forget about school. Caitie opened the doors to the familiar building, going into the main room with everyone's desks in it. Jamie, Hank, Tyler, Val, and Brooke were all there, some talking quietly, others working on their computers.

Jamie was the first one to notice her, and he smiled and hugged her when she walked up. Val was the second to see her, also hugging her and whispering 'I'm so sorry' in her ear. Caitie and Val had just dropped the whole beach/Jamie thing, and were back to best friends. They had never really mentioned it, just silently agreed that it was no longer important. Caitie also received hugs from Hank, Tyler, and Brooke. Not much was said, except for apologies about what had happened to her mom and how much they were going to miss her. Val pulled her aside away from the rest, saying that it would only be a second.

"Look," Val started, "I'm so sorry about Jamie and what happened. It was completely evil and I hope you can forgive me."

Caitie had thought it was the past, but obviously not. "Of course I'll forgive you," Caitie smiled, "What are friends for?"

Val smiled also and hugged her again. "I'm going to miss you so much," she said.

"I'm going to miss you to. I don't want to make new friends… I was happy with my life here," Caitie replied, letting go of the hug.

"I was happy with you here also," Val sighed.

They walked back to the other teens. Caitie hugged each of them again in turn, but not looking Jamie in the eye as she did it. "I'm going to miss you guys so much. I couldn't have asked for better friends."

"When does your plane leave?" Brooke asked as Caitie hugged her.

"Tomorrow morning… we have to leave the house for the airport at 6:00am. Our plane actually takes off at 8:00."

Caitie finished embracing them and said, "I guess this is bye, then. I'll call all of you when I get there."

Tears started coming down Val's face and she buried her face in Tyler's shirt.

Caitie couldn't stand any more of it. She waved bye one last time, and left the building, trying to forget the fact that she hadn't done anything with Jamie except hug him. She was about to get in her car when Jamie came out.

"Don't I get at least a kiss before you leave for a whole new country?" He said half jokingly, half angry.

Caitie bit her lip and let go of the car handle, turning to him. "No. You don't."

She opened the door, but was stopped again as Jamie said, "Why? Are you mad at me or something? Because frankly, you've been more warm to everyone in there but me, and last time I checked, you're not dating any of them. Why are you trying to avoid me?"

"Jamie!" Caitie said, as she started crying yet again, "I'm not trying to avoid you! If anything, I'm trying to stay with you longer!"

"Well you sure have a great way of showing it," he said sarcastically.

"Jamie! I didn't say a special goodbye to you because you're going to be the hardest to say goodbye to! Can't you understand that!?" Caitie was now sobbing uncontrollably and she got into her car. Before he could say another word, she sped off into the distance.

-x-

A/N: Yes I know. Bad and short. I'm sorry! It had to be short so I could get another chapter in. sigh R/R please.


	7. The Sweetest Goodbye

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I love all you guys! Last chapter... here it is. And as I've been saying, I have a plot-filled sequel... 30 reviews, that's all I ask. 27 at the least.  
  
CORRECTION: In previous chapter, it says that they are in a hotel, and everything is already packed into moving vans. I have changed it; everything is packed except for essentials: beds, carry-on bags for the airplane, suitcases, etc. So they are still in Caitie's house and the movers will pack up after they leave. Just a little detail I needed for the story to fit into place.   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own In a Heartbeat. I don't own "Sweetest Goodbye" or "Maroon 5" either.  
  
--Where you are seems to be  
  
As far as an eternity  
  
Outstretched arms open heart  
  
And if it never ends then when do we start?  
  
I'll never leave you behind  
  
Or treat you unkind  
  
I know you understand  
  
And with a tear in my eye  
  
Give me the sweetest goodbye  
  
That I ever did receive--  
  
Caitie lay in bed, staring intently up at the ceiling. She didn't want to end it like this... she didn't want to leave with her and Jamie's feelings all screwed up. A tear passed down her cheek. The words she had spoken were so real; he was going to be the hardest to leave. No matter how good of a friend she was with Val or Brianne, Jamie was so much more... he was a best friend... a boyfriend.  
  
There was a tap on her window and Caitie sat up suddenly, her eyes trying to make out who was behind the glass. She recognized the familiar spiked hair and broad shoulders as Jamie. Caitie slowly got up and slid the window open, allowing Jamie to step in.  
  
"I was hoping you would come by," Caitie whispered, looking up into his eyes. He shut the window and cupped her cheeks, gently wiping away the streaks from tears she had cried earlier.  
  
"Caitie... I'm sorry I was so insensitive... I love you so much," he said, getting trapped in the intense beauty of her face.  
  
Caitie didn't waste any more words, and instead kissed him strongly, pulling his body to hers. It was the most beautiful kiss Caitie had ever experienced, filled with love, sadness, happiness, and passion.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, they finally pulled apart, Caitie's insides tingling. "Stay the night... please," Caitie said desperately, her eyes still lost in his.  
  
"Caitie, I couldn't... I mean we..."  
  
"I'm not asking you to do anything with me, Jamie. Just like last name, I don't want to be alone tonight. Please."  
  
How could he deny those eyes? It was like stepping into quicksand; once you were in, you most likely weren't coming out.  
  
Jamie just responded by kissing her lightly on the lips and then taking off his jacket and shoes. Caitie climbed into bed and he followed, gently hugging her waist and placing her body in front of his. He stroked her hair softly until she fell into a deep sleep, him also dozing off just seconds after.  
  
-x-  
  
The next morning Caitie woke still in Jamie's arms. Something about the warmth his body transferred to hers, and the way he held her close but gently, made shivers rush up and down her spine. He was definitely a love that would not be forgotten.  
  
Jamie lifted his head, looking at her face. "Morning," he said, tired, unwinding his arms from her waist and stretching. He yawned and laid back down, sighing.  
  
It was so early, because of the time they had to leave for the airport, that no sun shone through the windows and her room was still mostly dark. The clock next to Caitie's bed glowed 5:46. She yawned, got up, and threw on a new tee shirt. She then changed into baggy black pants in the closet. Caitie came out a few minutes later, then put on some makeup using her handheld mirror, giving that everything in the bathroom was packed and gone, except for the sink and toilet.  
  
By the time she was ready, it was 5:53. She and Jamie went downstairs, Caitie bringing her two carry-on bags with her. She met her aunt and cousins in the now empty living room.  
  
"I was thinking we're going to stop by for bagels or something at the airport before we board the airplane. Just so you guys don't have to eat the gross stuff they serve on it," Jane smiled weakly, but then frowned noticing Jamie was following Caitie down the stairs.  
  
"Caitie-" She started.  
  
"Save it," Caitie said, firmly but nicely, "We just slept. We didn't do anything."  
  
Jane nodded slowly, but still looked extremely unsure. She averted her attention to Lisa, her youngest daughter, who was whining about something or other. Ashley went outside to the car, turning it on and starting to load some of their belongings into it. Jane and Lisa followed soon after, Jane saying, "Don't take too long saying goodbye."  
  
Caitie turned to Jamie, for probably the last time in a while. "I'm really going to miss you. And I'll call you... and I love you."  
  
Caitie started crying again as she said the words. She was leaving a whole world behind; she knew no one in California, and Caitie and her mom's sister were never that close. She had absolutely no one to lean on. Jamie was her foundation; without him, she was practically nothing.  
  
"I love you too, baby, and I'll never stop loving you," Jamie said gently, wiping her cheek just as he had the night before. He kissed her again, only this time, if it was even possible, the kiss was filled with more passion and love than the previous.  
  
Caitie hugged him, now crying freely. She managed to choke out, between sobs, "Bye, Jamie. I'm never going to forget you. Thanks for everything... for always being there and supporting me. I love you."  
  
She couldn't seem to say 'I love you' enough... it was like if she kept saying it, somehow she would wake up and find out that this was an awful nightmare. "  
  
"I love you too," he whispered. She turned, and walked out the front door, down the steps, into the car, and they drove out of sight.  
  
-x-  
  
Jamie watched the car leave the road and he shut the house door behind him, going down the steps. 'Nice job, idiot, you just completely blew your chance,' the voice inside his head scolded him. 'Shut up,' Jamie told himself, going down the driveway. He felt the weight in his pocket and picked it up, pulling it out and opening it. He examined it. Had he done all of this for nothing? He closed it and dropped in back into his pocket. Somehow, it seemed heavier than before.  
  
Jamie knew what he had to do. It was now or never.  
  
-x- (I know, trillions of separators XD I promise this is the last set )  
  
Caitie looked around the airport. It seemed lonely and forgotten, empty and deserted. Only a few people roamed the halls, the rest were on the flight to Mississippi, where Caitie and her family would then transfer on a plane to Los Angeles. She tried to keep Jamie clear of her mind, but it didn't work. He was all she could think of... she only remembered the sweet taste of his lips, and the comforting protection he had for her. As she was getting her ticket checked at the desk, she heard pounding footsteps racing down the hall.  
  
"CAITIE!" She heard someone scream. She spun around quickly, looking for the owner of the shout.  
  
And, surprised, Caitie saw Jamie racing down the hall to her. He stopped, breathlessly, at her, and dropped to his knee, pulling out a black box. He flipped open the top, revealing the most beautiful diamond Caitie had ever seen.  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
A/N: Yes! That is the end of the story! Thank you to all my reviewers! I love you guys sooo much! And I promise to go review one of your stories if I haven't already Thankies! bows as curtain closes  
  
Okay, so maybe it wasn't good enough for a curtain close, but hey, I can dream, right? 


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